


The Avoided Tragedy of Dr. Faustus

by JettBlack96



Category: Doctor Faustus - Christopher Marlowe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Crack-ish, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21735691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JettBlack96/pseuds/JettBlack96
Summary: This was came out of an assignment for one of my creative writing classes. The assignment was to take a character from a notable literary source and place them in a new setting. I chose to have Faustus in a modern setting and still be offered unlimited knowledge.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	The Avoided Tragedy of Dr. Faustus

Faustus closes a philosophical text, pondering on history and the notable individuals that populate its written pages. He gets up to put the book back on the shelf and begins to commiserate his fate to himself. 

“Oh! What I wouldn’t give to meet Helen of Troy or Descartes or Plato!” he bemoans. “My life is nothing without knowledge.” 

“You need knowledge, you say?” 

Faustus turns quickly to face the other occupant of the room that until a few moments ago he was sure he was alone in. 

“Who the hell are you?” he exclaims. 

“I am Mephistopheles and I can get you all the knowledge you desire,” he croons with a wide grin. “I don’t need much in return—only your soul and eternal servitude.” 

Faustus blinks, takes a deep breath, blinks again, and finally responds with, “What?” 

“Um... Knowledge. What you were just—” 

“Yeah. I’m not an idiot; I know what you’re saying, but _how did you get in my house_?” Faustus pauses for a moment before he turns to grab his cell phone off his desk. “If you don’t leave right now, I’m calling the cops.” 

“Now, now, now. You don’t want to do that.” 

“I’m pretty sure I do.” 

“Then you’ll never get to meet Helen of Troy or slap the Pope across the ear. Don’t you want to _know_ what that feels like?” the strange man tries to persuade. “There’s so much I can offer you only at the cost of your mortal soul.” 

“Okay. I don’t think I want anything you’re selling, creepy dude. I’ve already sold my soul for college tuition. If you want to negotiate with the university to pay the contract off, that’s up to you. Why don’t you leave now?” Did this deranged man break in just because he thinks he has to give me something, Faustus questions to himself. 

Mephistopheles is confused. He didn’t know humans could sell their souls to another human. It should be impossible. Where did he go wrong? “But, but, but... Knowledge! You’re supposed to want knowledge! Satan said so!” If he doesn’t bring his sire an agreement for Faustus’ soul, he’s going to have to spend a week in the sixth layer of hell. He had enough of that from the last time he failed! 

“Am I being pranked?” Faustus mumbles to himself. 

“Sir, I’m sorry, but Satan told you wrong tonight. I have all the knowledge I need with Google and Netflix. I’m sure they’ll tell me about someone that has slapped the Pope or met Helen of Troy. Can you please leave now? _Before_ I have to call the cops.” Honestly, the police would probably lock up this crazy, homeless man, instead of getting him the help he needs; he would rather not condemn the confused man to that. 

Mephistopheles stares at him for a moment before quietly uttering, “Yes, I guess I’ll go since you don’t need the knowledge of demons.” 

Demons? Faustus thinks. This guy must be really off his rocker. 

He leads the Satanist to the door and unlocks and opens it while keeping an eye on the unbalanced. He watches him leave before heading to his living room. Once there, he turns on the television and pulls up Netflix. 

“Oh, a new documentary on Troy. I’m bingeing this whole series tonight!” He pauses for a moment. “How did that man get in when the doors were still locked?” 

**Author's Note:**

> I thought about expanding this by having Mephistopheles come and try again with the same rejection but was unsure if anyone would be interested in reading. Hope you enjoyed and you're more than welcome to tell me your thoughts you had as you were reading. :)


End file.
